Movie Monday III Hatchet Edition
If you’re a fan of old school slashers like Friday The 13th or Halloween this movie is a must have. Go to your local Wal-Mart and pick it up it’s the best $9.98 I’ve spent in a while. I would go out on a limb and say that this is the best slasher film since Friday The 13th Part 4 or Halloween 5. The DVD cover describes it as Old School American Horror and I cannot agree any more. At the bottom it also says,”The next icon of horror” I can do nothing but pray they make a sequel but i really doubt they do.
Story:
Victor Crowley was born horribly deformed in a little shed in the middle of a swap in New Orleans. Victor was always very sheltered and didn’t go anywhere due to the fact of all the kids laughing and making fun of him because of the way he looked. The kids continued picking on him up into his teens but one of their pranks went terribly wrong. One night they were throwing fire crackers onto his porch to get him to look out so they could see his face but the fire crackers caught the house on fire. Victors father gets home just in time to grab a hatchet to try and chop the door down but what he doesn’t know is his son Victors face is pressed up against the door trying to get out while hes chopping it. Mr. Crowley dies 10 years later very quietly from a “broken heart” from the grief of killing his only son Victor. The movie begins with 2 alligator hunters being killed. Cut to Mardi-Gras tons of half naked girls and partying. Here we meet the victims a young man is miserable and his friends only brought him here to get his ex-girlfriend off his mind but it isn’t working. The only thing he wants to do is go on a haunted boat ride that his friends told him about. So he drags his friend on to this boat ride where we meet the other characters. Things go wrong the boat hits a rock and begins to sink the people go onto the little island in the middle of the swamp and here we learn about Victor Crowley and the legend of how his “ghost” haunts this island. Turns out this ghost is very real and begins to pick the people off one by one. I’m not going to ruin this movie for you but it’s very a-la Friday The 13th.
Casting:
None of the actors from this movie is very well known but they did a wonderful job. There were brief appearances by Robert Englund being one of the first fishermen killed in the beginning. Tony Todd from Candyman also has a very brief appearance playing a very corny voodoo man in a novelty shop. The real star of the movie is Kane Hodder as Victor Crowley famous for his roles as Jason Vorhees in Friday The 13th Part 7,8, Jason Goes To Hell, and Jason X. Tamara Feldman is the main heroine in the movie playing Marybeth the daughter of Robert Englunds characters daughter out for answers for her fathers disappearance.
Visual Effects:
This movie was extremly creative with its killings. First theres Victors appearance in general which is incredibly done. No CGI is used in this movie and everything looks amazingly done. The most memorable kill I remember is a power sander to the face and then impaling with the wooden end of a shovel. This sort-of makes me wonder where did he plug the sander but it looks so amazing logic doesn’t matter. Another memorable kill is when he completely rips a guy in half or when he cuts someone lengthwise with a hatchet.
Seeing this movie gives me have hope that great slasher films are not dead and not all movies need to be remade or a prequel. I do get a good laugh out of the poster that’s at the top of this post though.
Score:
5 Beltsanders to the face out of 5
thats right my first perfect score and it totally earned this movie might warrant a second watch through just for fun.
Sony Just Made My Day
Sony just announced perhaps their 2 smartest bundles ever. A bright red psp with a screen of Kratos from God Of War with Chains Of Olympus on the back, God Of War Chains of Olympus, Superbad on UMB and a voucher to download Syphon Filter Combat Ops. This will be available in June for 199.99 and I for one will be picking it up just to compliment my PS3.
That brings me to my next subject Sony will be released the 80 GB PS3 that is semi-backwards compatible just like the one they bundled with Motorstorm. It will come bundled with the DUALSHOCK 3 and Metal Gear Solid 4 Guns Of The Patriots and will cost you 499.99 not a bad deal with all it comes with. This bundle will be released in late Q2 which runs all the way till June 30th. All I know is I’m going to have about $1000 less dollars in my pocket coming in June.
Nightly Purchases
Went shopping tonight and found quite a bit of movies for extremly cheap. I picked up the Rambo Complete Collection for 19.99 and The Punisher Special Edition for 3.99. Then I put the final touches on my Halloween collection by picking up Ressurection and H20 for 9.99 and 6.99. Lastly I picked up some random slasher flick called Hatchet for 9.44 which looks to be good Kane Hodder from the last couple Friday The 13ths plays the slasher in it and Robert Englund from Nightmare On Elm Street has a guest appearance in it and From Dusk Till Dawn for 7.50. So expect to see some reviews to be up soon. Until then check out this killer video.
From Dusk Till Dawn By The 69 Eyes with clips from From Dusk Till Dawn
Hatchet Trailer
Movie Monday II Black X-Mas Remake Edition
First let me just say I went into this movie hoping for the best because the original was a slasher classic and helped revolutionise slasher films in general. With this remake however I was at the very least utterly disappointed. The cover of the DVD has a quote that states, “One of the best horror movies of the year.” 2006 must have been a really bad year for horror movies if this is the best one of the bunch.
Story:
Billy Lenz was born into an extremely poor family where he was abused and forced to live in the attic due to having yellow skin from a rare liver disease. Billy’s mother wanted another child but with her husband she had no luck so she forced herself upon a young Billy. Billy continued living in the attic away from his new sister/daughter Agnes and mother and stepfather until one Christmas he just snaps and kills his mother and stepfather and horribly disfigures Agnes. Billy is placed in a mental institution where every Christmas would pass he would attempt to escape to get back to his former home. One Christmas he has success and returns to his home but it’s no longer his home it has been turned into a local sorority house. One by one Billy and Agnes pick off all of the sorority sisters until there is only 1 that survives in the end.
Casting:
The casting in the movie was sub par at best. All of the sorority sisters are barely likable. Theres the alcoholic, the bitch the other bitch, and the house mother which is really the only half way likable one that you hope survives. The lack of interesting characters almost makes you wish that there is no survivors in the end and the slashers actually win. The part of Agnes is perfect if your looking for a disfigured woman I say this because she looks exactly like a man. And Billy well what can I say about a yellow man who doesn’t have any lines in the movie.
Visual Effects:
All of the special effects in the movie look extremely cheesy and fake. One of the big parts of the movie is that the killer takes the eyes of his or her victim but this isn’t very dramatic because the eye effects look like they were bought at a local novelty shop for $5. I will however say that the last death when a guy gets implaled by a Christmas tree was pretty good and funny at the same time because you just have to wonder how do you get impaled by a tree.
Score:
1 Icicle to the head out of 5
By the way I’d rather watch the movie this guys making than Black Christmas Remake again.
Halo 2 For Old Times
Played some Halo 2 with a good friend for old times sake today that and just to compare 2 to 3. Why is it that whenever you beat somebody the losing team has to have a reason to why they lost or why you won? I just play the game and if we win we win and if we lose i dont care. I don’t understand why that is though… oh yea I do it’s because it’s only a game. I had fun when we won and had fun when we loss but for some reason every team we played was screaming as loud as they could how bad we sucked even if we were winning. Call me strange but if we win and they lose and we suck whats that make them? We actually had a group of people tell us we were working too well as a team. I believe the term they used was the little more colorful dick ridding. They proceeded to take 5 minutes out of their time in the post match lobby telling us how bad we suck and to quit “dickriding” and hiding in corners which is crazy because we were running all over the map killing them. Isn’t the whole point of team based games to work as a team otherwise you might as well be playing rumble pit. This isn’t my video but this is just the example of how some people take Halo way too serious.
… And the lighter side of tea bagging
Funny Music Video
Once again I’m sorry no Movie Monday movie review is done today. Like I said with the first one its hard for me to want to sit down and watch a movie let alone a remake that I’m afraid is going to suck and taint the memory I have of the classic. But in the meantime watch this music video and try not to laugh. Is it just me or does this guy look alot like Aaron Carter. Just incasr you’re wondering the song is called Faggoty Attention by Adam Joseph.
If you watched that video and didn’t at least crack a smile your either dead or don’t have a soul.
Tickle Me Elmo…. Wait I Mean Emo
One of my friends just showed me this video and i feel that i need to share it with everyone. I couldnt help but to laugh at the end. The sad part is there are people out there that are actually emo like this and its pretty sad to see someone so depressed and down about nothing at all or something that everyone else has to deal with. It’s life shit happens get on with it.
Movie Monday Postponed till tomorrow
I didn’t get the chance to watch Black Christmas today as a result of being reacquainted with an old friend called Halo 3. Me and a buddy tore it up on some team doubles winning 13 and losing 6 and my rank going from 12 – 19. But fear not my movie review will be up tomorrow on Black Christmas and since i picked up Rob Zombies remake of Halloween I might just watch that and write that one up too. I’m itching so bad to review a game but I just don’t feel like going out and picking one up. With the rumors of the next SKU of PS3s not having backwards compatibility i feel the need to pick one of those up as soon as possible all of this being said I will leave you with this video.
Looking Into The Future… Part II PS3 Edition
As one of the readers pointed out in the last post I left out quite a few big name PS3 releases for this year so here we go:
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Metal Gear Solid 4 Guns Of The Patriots
The next compelling game in Konami and Hideo Kojimas gold mine that is Metal Gear. The Beauty and the Beasts looks like alot its going to be alot of fun fighting them on the battlefield. It’s such a smart move to bring back all the fan favorites from the original Metal Gear Solid game with the obvious references to Psycho Mantis, Vulcan Raven, Sniper Wolf, and of-course the hybrid Liquid Ocelot. With all the trailers floating around its hard to tell whats going on with this game you’ve got an oddly young snake, a super old snake, metal gears jumping around like frogs. The new active camo idea is incredible. This game will definitely be a PS3 system seller for those of us without a PS3.
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Final Fantasy XIII
Square-Enix’s first stab at a Final Fantasy game on a next gen console save for Final Fantasy XI on the 360 because in my opinion that should even be in the same genre as the other Final Fantasies MMORPG < Traditional RPG. I love the whole idea of the summonings becoming everyday items to use Shiva as a motorcycle what else can we expect Bahamut as a 4 wheeler, Anima as a helicopter. I’m not really sure on what the story will be but it will probably follow the typical Final Fantasy story line. Guy with crazy hair has some type of loss. Guy be-friends some strange allies a white mage, a black mage, a warrior and a theif. Guy falls in love with main female character. Guy saves world somehow. Everyone live happily ever after. The End
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Final Fantasy XIII Versus
Pretty much just read what I said about Final Fantasy XIII and imagine it was here. This game takes place in the same galaxy and pretty much is happening the same time as Final Fantasy XIII. I will without a doubt be picking up both of these Final Fantasies. Having not played any other game than Final Fantasy X and X-2 I am really hoping for good things out of these games
Well that’s pretty much all the PS3 exclusive games that i know about. And you know what would make these games better POINTS
Looking Into the Future…
The future of gaming for this year is already shaping up to be a great year. With the 360 putting out more classic gold and the ps3 being more established and publishers ironing out the problems with programming games it may just surpass the 360 this year. I hate to bring up the hi-def movie format wars but with bestbuy backing blu-ray that may have just put the final nail in the hd-dvd coffin. But enough about the whole format wars some games I’m looking forward to this year:
- Grand Theft Auto 4
The next in Rockstar Games groundbreaking series puts you in the shoes of Niko Bellic a Russian immigrant coming to Liberty City under the advice of his cousin Roman to partake in the riches that his cousin has claimed. When Niko arrives he finds that things aren’t as his cousin has said in-fact quite the opposite. Roman has got mixed up with the wrong people and needs your help to get him out. This will be the first GTA game to involve online multiplayer if done correctly this will be a huge improvement over the other GTAs. Im really hoping for some type of online co-op where you can go on missions with another person. This game is definitely going to be a day 1 pick up and i feel compelled to buy the special edition that comes with a duffle bag and lockbox.
- Star Wars The Force Unleashed
Take the role of Darth Vaders secret apprentice in this game that takes place between episode 3 and 4. Not much is known storywise with this game other than you are Vaders apprentice and your job is to hunt down and kill all the remaining jedi in the galaxy. Thinking of this game has me remembering one of my favorite star wars games ever Shadows Of The Empire for the N64. If you don’t own this game go get it and smack yourself with the cartridge because you missed out on something great.
- Fallout 3
The next offering from the creators of The Elder Scrolls 4 Oblivion. I am expecting nothing but solid gold with what this game will have to offer. Post apocalyptic world full of giant monsters for your killing pleasure. Imagine playing Mad Max the video game. This is one of my top 3 games I will without a doubt be picking up 1st day.
- Dead Space
You take the role of a deep space engineer. The game begins when you receive a distress call so of course you go to see what all the fuss is about and sure enough theres no survivors and the spacecraft is overran with aliens. The story of this game has been done on numerous occasions in different situations the entire Aliens series, and the games System Shock, and Bioshock. So-far the weapons lineup seems pretty cool including a Half Life like gravity gun and a laser cutting tool.
- Left 4 Dead
Who doesn’t enjoy a zombie plague unleashed upon the world? Oh you dont well how about if it included a 4 player co-op? Ok your interested now. How about if I say the makers of Half-Life is going to be helping work on it? Put all that together and you have Turtle Rock and Valves offering Left 4 Dead. Not only will the game have 4 player co-op but it will also have online versus. The idea of playing as a zombie doesn’t sound all that cool at first moving slow moaning with you hands out but I’m sure the zombies in this game will be nothing like that. Hey one good thing the only thing that will kill you is headshots.
- Duke Nukem Forever
You might laugh at me but i have faith that this game will see the light of day sometime this year. I mean its only been in development for almost over 10 years. I mean you can look at it this way you’ll be playing this game before the new Guns N Roses Chinese Democracy record. Maybe……?
- Dragonball Z Burst Limit
I don’t care if anime isn’t your thing or not this will be a top notch fighter period. If the last 2 budokai tenkaichi games is any type of sign you’ll probably have over 170 fighters to choose from. I’m going to go out on a limb and score this game before its release I will give it a score of OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!
